Dear Friend
by RemyMcKwakker
Summary: AU. It began as a stupid English assignment, but somewhere along the way, Percy made a friend.
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Friend**

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

Dear Whoever,

I apologize in advance for this letter. You see, we're doing this thing in English class where we write to a 'pen friend' for a month and see how it goes. I wouldn't be doing this stupid assignment if it wasn't for the fact that it makes up 40% of our grade.

You're probably wondering who I am, and how I got your email address. I swear I'm not stalking you or anything. I don't even know if we're in the same country – hell, I don't know _anything_ about you. But see, apparently you wrote on your Wordpress blog that it's okay for people to contact you, and you even put up your email ID. That's how I found you. I found your Wordpress when I was looking through my friend Annabeth's blog. She's one of your followers, so maybe you know her.

My name is Percy Jackson. I'm 16, and I live in New York. I won't tell you where exactly, because for all I know you're a serial killer or a pedophile, and I don't want to end up dead in a ditch somewhere. No offense meant. It's just that living with Smelly Gabe teaches you caution.

You're probably wondering what kind of weirdo I am, and how stupid this is. You're not the only one. You don't have to reply if you don't want to.

(I'm actually sort of hoping you won't reply, because then I won't have to hand in this stupid assignment.)

Yours truly or whatever,

Percy

* * *

**From:** lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject: **Re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

Hi there, Percy :)

I'm sorry to burst your little bubble of hope by replying, but I was too intrigued not to.

I can understand why you hate English assignments. I find them stupid too. This one time my teacher asked us all to write a letter full of compliments to a random person in class. We had to pick names out of a hat. I got Thalia Grace. It was horrible because she's totally badass and awesome and compared to her I'm a lame noob who thinks he's cool.

Well, since you've told me about yourself, it's only fair that I return the favor. My name is Luke Castellan, I'm 18 and I live in Washington DC. I'm in my last year of high school, and I work part-time at Wendy's instead of committing murder or molesting children, so don't worry. Yeah, it _is_ okay to contact me, my only friend is this weirdo called Ethan Nakamura. He has only one eye and he likes to strangle squirrels in his spare time. Don't ask why, I don't know.

Annabeth... sounds familiar. I think she's one of Thalia's internet friends, Thalia has loads of those. She only follows me because Thalia told her to. I think her blog's at .com. I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.

What about you? Do you have a blog?

Who's Smelly Gabe? He sounds interesting. Relative of yours?

You don't have to think of this as an assignment, you know. Just think of me as an actual friend that you enjoy writing to. It'll make this easier, trust me.

Later.

-Luke

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Re: re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

Aw come on, you couldn't just delete my mail?

Oh well. Since you've replied, I'll have to be nice and reply too. Dammit.

No offense meant, by the way. It's not you I'm annoyed with, it's this assignment. Though yeah, it does sound a lot better than yours. Damn, that must have been awkward as hell. How long have you been crushing on Thalia, then?

Washington DC... I went once, with my mom. I don't remember it much, I couldn't have been more than three at the time. 'Course, this was way before Smelly Gabe. Now Mom and I can't go anywhere without that moron's "permission". That, and the fact that the only car we own is his. It's just as smelly as he is.

My only friend (other than Annabeth) is this kid called Grover. He had some accident when he was a baby so now he has to use crutches. He's kinda strange... I swear I saw him eat a tin can once, but he thinks I'm going insane. I'm not convinced he's wrong, either.

Yeah, that's Annabeth's blog. She uploads her designs all the time. She wants to be an architect, you know. Her designs are awesome, but don't tell her I said that. She'd never let me hear the end of it. I keep telling her no one looks at her blog. She keeps telling me she has like thirty followers who are avid fans.

Meh. I've got a tumblr blog. My URL is olympiananarchy, though there's really no point in giving it to you. I just reblog fandom posts or whine about my life.

Smelly Gabe is my stepfather. I have no idea why my mom married him, because he's ugly as hell, and she hates him almost as much as I do. All he ever does is play poker with his equally ugly friends, or beat on me and my mom.

...I don't even know you, but for the sake of this assignment I'll assume you're my long-lost cousin or something.

-Percy

* * *

**To:** percyj

**From:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Re: re: re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

No, I couldn't just delete your email. You have a cute profile picture, and I _always_ open mail from cute people. It's my number one rule.

It's not so hard to be nice to people, you know. You keep trying to sound like you don't want to talk to me but you've already told me so much about yourself. And you sound like a nice person, too (also, you're cute).

WHO SAYS I'M CRUSHING ON THALIA? I'M NOT CRUSHING ON THALIA. _YOU'RE_ CRUSHING ON ANNABETH.

Why do you have to ask his permission? Because it's his car? You're 16, you probably have a job. Maybe you could save up enough to buy yourself and your mom a car. He shouldn't order you around, you know.

Maybe Grover has some kind of disorder where he's supposed to eat tin cans as medication? That's the only explanation I can come up with. Haha, we both ended up with weird friends. Maybe we should set Grover and Ethan up on a date. What do you think?

Yeah? I think I'll go check out her blog. She follows me but I don't follow her back. I just assumed she was one of my fangirls, you know.

Kidding. I'm just kidding. I have like, 100 followers.

Olympiananarchy? What's with you and Annabeth and Olympus, dude? Are you two like, part Greek or something?

Dude. That sucks. Maybe you should ask her why she married him, if she hates him?

Long-lost cousins. Not bad.

-Luke

* * *

**Yes, I'm aware Percy and Luke are dyslexic. This is an AU. They're not demigods.**

**My first PJO story, though, so feedback is greatly appreciated :)**

**-Peace x**


	2. Chapter 2

**From:** percyj

**To: **lcastellan

**Subject:** Re: re: re: re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

I am _not_ cute -_-

LUKE'S CRUSHING ON THALIA, NA NA NA NA NA.  
LUKE'S CRUSHING ON THALIA, NA NA NA NA NA.

THALIA AND LUKE SITTING IN A TREE  
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

I do have a job. That's to defend Mom whenever Smelly Gabe gets too drunk. In any case, to go to work I need a car. Which I don't have. I _know_ he shouldn't order us around. But he does. It's just the way it is.

That's the best explanation you can come up with? _Honestly?_ What kind of disease even requires someone to eat tin cans?

And what makes you think it would be a good idea to set up a one-eyed squirrel murderer with a crazy, tin-eating guy on crutches who has a strange obsession with nature (in particular, goats and trees)?  
...though I agree. We're bound to have entertaining results. Only problem? Grover's here in NY. Ethan's over in DC.

Man, at least you_ have_ followers in triple figures. I've got 87. They only follow me so they can reblog stuff from me.

Dude, it's like, Annabeth's really into Greek architecture and shit. And her last name's Chase. So that's where her URL comes from. And she's the one who made me a tumblr, and I told her I wanted a URL that had something to do with 'anarchy'. She wanted something Greek. So – olympiananarchy. I'd change it, but I don't want her to come after me and kill me.

I've asked her that billions of times. She just never answers. One time it did seem like she was going to tell me, but then Smelly Gabe barged in and began yelling at her so she stopped talking. Ever since then she doesn't really answer my questions. I don't even know, man. I just wish that someday he falls down the stairs and breaks every bone in his body.

-Percy

* * *

**From: **lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject:** Re: re: re: re: re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

You keep telling yourself that, princess.

_Real _mature, kid -_- well, I'VE GOT SOME TRICKS UP MY SLEEVE TOO.

PERCY'S CRUSHING ON ANNABETH  
PERCY'S CRUSHING ON ANNABETH

PERCY AND ANNABETH DROWNING IN THE SEA  
K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Well, it _shouldn't_ be the way it is. I really think you should report him to someone. Does he hit your mom? Or you?

Maybe it's a rare disease that you can only catch in the Amazon Rainforest. Maybe that's why he's so obsessed with goats and trees. Whatever, man. Who even knows. And as for the hookup – I think Ethan's mom lives somewhere in NY. He never says where exactly, just mumbles "Empire State" and then "death to furry." I don't even know, man. I think he needs help.

So anyway. Next time he's in NY we can get him to meet up with Grover. Weirdly enough – I don't think he's ever _been_ to NY. I don't think he even knows what his mom looks like.

Meh.

Of course they follow you only so they can reblog things from you. That's what followers are _for_. Though – mine follow me because I'm the sexiest thing they ever laid eyes on. And I'm smart and philosophical.

Dude, you're so scared of Annabeth it's hilarious. What's she going to do?

Man, I'm serious though – you shouldn't have to put up with Smelly Gabe. Just tell a social worker, or call 911 next time he's being an asshole to you or your mom. I'm 100% serious.

-Luke

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject: **Re: re: re: re: re: re: Um... what do I even put here? Who even invented subject lines?

I'm in a hurry (late for school) so I can't reply to everything. I'll try to reply fully in school but not at home. In fact, I might not be able to talk to you at all when I'm at home. Smelly Gabe's angry about something, and he's been yelling and hitting things since last night. I now need a new phone because he threw mine out the window.

Shit, I'm so late.

Laters.

-Percy

* * *

**From: **lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject:** We need a new sentence in this line.

That's all right. Take your time.

And I really hope when you say "hitting things" you don't mean "hitting me and my mom."

-Luke

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Re: We need a new sentence in this line.

Screw off. My home life isn't any of your business anyway.

* * *

**From:** lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject:** Re: re: We need a new sentence in this line.

That's funny, because yesterday you were telling me all about it. Did something happen?

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Re: re: re: We need a new sentence in this line.

I don't want to talk to you.

* * *

**From:** lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject:** Don't be such a princess.

What the subject line says. You were talking to me just _fine_ before. And in any case, it's an assignment. You _have_ to talk to me.

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** YOU'RE a princess.

I don't have to do anything.

* * *

**From:** lcastellan

**To:** percyj

**Subject:** No, YOU'RE a princess.

Fine. Be that way. Have fun discussing your problems with your tin-eating friend.

* * *

**From:** percyj

**To:** lcastellan

**Subject:** Your face is a princess.

Look, I'm sorry about earlier, okay? I was in a _really bad mood_ because Gabe got drunk again and he was hitting my mom, and when I stepped in to help he broke a bottle over my head. Mom had to take me to the hospital, and I was on pain meds and extra-cranky (plus having to deal with Gabe when I got home) so I wasn't thinking straight.

Anyway, I'm better now and I'm trying to convince Mom to go to our house in Montauk. It would be nice to get away from Gabe for a bit.

Update: she says we can't go because school and Gabe won't give us his car and we should maybe go when the weather's better... I think Gabe's threatened her. After all, _someone's_ got to stick around to feed him and give him beer and serve his stupid poker pals.

I hate everything.

-Percy

* * *

**Chapter Two up :) reviews keep me happy, people. Just letting y'all know.**

**-Peace x**


End file.
